It Isn't Selfish And I'm Not Sorry

 This isn't going to be nice to "hear" and I'm just 

going to say it anyway.

I don't care if you feel like I've abandoned you. You play for you and I'll play for me and if me being there defined you being there then maybe you need to decide where you'd rather be.

I don't care if you feel like I'm being antisocial. I don't want you in my ears 24/7 while I'm doing my own thing. I don't and have never needed you there to play my game. I particularly don't like and never have liked voice apps that prioritize anything you want to say, grunt or sing aloud to over the game and my experience of it. I'm an auditory person and NEVER turn off the sounds of the game because they inform how I play.

I also don't care if you don't like to read text or follow the in-game chat system and I don't care if you're pissed that I didn't see your message come through and immediately answer you. I'm clearly too busy doing something that I want to do to notice. 

I don't care if you think it's fucking bizarre that I am not in a hurry to get ANYWHERE for ANY REASON that you may think is very important.

When I want to know what you or some asshole on YouTube or some guy writing a guide thinks about the game, my class or spec or the order I'm choosing to level my professions, I'll ask you. This is LITERALLY my first time in a NEW MMO to experience everything for the first time ON MY OWN and I don't want you or anyone else to change that experience.

See...

*sigh*

I've fucking hated this game for 14 years and had to plug in any "group time" or "self competition" or "achievement hound" substitution for having fun that I could find. It's exhasting and self-defeating so I'm not doing it anymore.

I don't want you to define my time in any game. I don't want you to click on, interact with or otherwise take away my experience of anything in this game. I REALLY just want to play for myself and not sense some need to apologize all the fucking time for not making it TOTALLY enjoyable for someone else. I don't have any hurry to get anywhere because I don't have any plans for end-game that will limit my gaming enthusiasm or enjoyment IN ANY WAY. I am, in fact, ever-so-slightly worried that you'll pee on my experience no matter what happens because you'll be in the zones where I am and hurrying your ass off without a thought to your effect on everyone else playing around you.

I'm not co-leveling ANYTHING with ANYONE anymore. I don't enjoy it. (I say this knowing that there is one person for whom this rule has never and will never apply and for him I'll co-level even my main because she was born to play with him in the first place.)

I'm not going to "pre-schedule and be on time for" ANY variant of World of Warcraft like it's a fucking job anymore. I'm just not. Hey, fabulous... you're around... are you available? No? See you next time. HOW FUCKING HARD IS THAT? Hey, fabulous... you're around... are you available? Yes? Wanna go do [whatever thing]? HOLY SHIT. As if people have lives AND play the game as a part of them. *sigh*

I'm not spending the evening of November 4th clicking on the game launcher every 10 seconds and getting frustrated because I can't get in and I won't be there to listen while you do it, either. This is how WoW has been for the ENTIRE time I've played it. There's a love/hate requirement for the fans of this game and I no longer want any part of it. I'm not hating on them because too many of us love it and want to get in to see it. I'm just not.

I'm not going to Live/Retail and whining that I can't get into Forever and I'm not gonna hang out while everyone does this. See reasons above. Y'all are addicted to hating on the thing you're so addicted to. It's part of the compulsion. I don't want any part of it or you when you're being that way.

I'm not time-stamping each level-up with a big star on social media (you know, I say this and perhaps I actually WILL... hmmm... idea forming. Perhaps this blog and my personal Insta will become the time-stamp of each fun achievement that brings me joy regardless of what the big kids think should be achieved. hmmm... ideas.)

Right now my plan is this... 

• inform my regular gaming partners that I'll only be available a few hours a week for awhile in Live/Retail
• make myself available in the Blizz voice app while I'm playing Forever only irregularly and as I want to (it is VERY important that it not become any form of habit or regular pattern so that the "want to join voice" is the question and not "why aren't you in voice" as an expectation.)
• I want to form a guild. I won't do it right away.

I've beat myself up for more than 12 years for just not being able to build a good guild and it's come to me over time that no one can. The big raid guys have bowls of piranhas and are constantly managing and feeding them exactly what they need and culling the ones that cannot be satiated and even THEY mostly don't last. Eventually they eat themselves from the inside out and don't survive. The rest? Define friendship. Define a great gaming experience. Now compare that to everyone you meet until you find someone whose definitions even remotely match yours. There... you're a guild of two searching for more. Have fun. 

See... I mistook being overly accommodating and generous for being a nice person and made myself absolutely miserable in the process. That's on me. This time I'm just playing and finding out if the original magic can strike twice or if there's a new magic waiting just around the corner in a zone I've seen before and never in quite the same way.